He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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