The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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