It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
