South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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