His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
