oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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