She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
