Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is Oprah even human
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
