Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
