That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
