you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
NoShamevember. You game?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
