They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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