He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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