What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
