Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
