Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
