I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your penis caused this!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize