You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize