roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
