I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
