worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
