is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
