I just cut my nipple shaving
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
