We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
