Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
