Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
