it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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