Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
