He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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