if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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