I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
