this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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