i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
