Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
