Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I came so hard my ears popped.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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