He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
