I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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