I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
