and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then my night got REAL pukey
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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