I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
