I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
