You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
