so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
