I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
