so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize