k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
