upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
