All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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