I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
