so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize