Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
