how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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