i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
