We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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