Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just gift wrapped bread.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
