She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize