would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
