I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
