And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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