You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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