This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
