how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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