he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
