I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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