This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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