But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
