I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
