I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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