she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You dont lie about slip and slides
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
