I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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