I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
