I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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