I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
