I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
