I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
