3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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