so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
