Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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