There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
