also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
