I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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