When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and she was petting her beer can
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
