The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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