maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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