I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
