my phone needs a breathalizer
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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