Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
