Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
