I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
