thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Randomize
