instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
