He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize