Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
